


Go Hard and Go Home

by nikogio



Series: Relativity [2]
Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Established Perry Cox/John "JD" Dorian, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, JDox, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:41:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25714468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikogio/pseuds/nikogio
Summary: After a total whirlwind of a week, Perry is eager to come through for JD as a reliable and caring partner. But transitioning back into the real world is not quite what either of them expects.
Relationships: Perry Cox & John "JD" Dorian, Perry Cox/John "JD" Dorian
Series: Relativity [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868620
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in sequence after my first fic, “Fear of Drowning.” But it can also pretty much stand alone. I wavered about the pacing at which things happen for these two, but I went with my gut, which was definitely inspired by my own atypically-hatched relationship and marriage.

My apartment was uncomfortably silent, save for my own frantic footsteps as I paced laps around the living room. I glanced down at the phone in my right hand and took a long draw of scotch from the glass in my left. 11:13 p.m. My Newbie would be here any minute.

A knock rattled the door frame and my heart nearly evacuated through my intestines. _Okay, Big Dog, you got this._ Even though JD was not a fan of my self-appointed nickname, I sometimes found it helpful for psyching myself up. Unfortunately, now did not seem to be one of those times. I forced in a deep breath.

“Coming!” I called out as the knob turned and the door swung open.

“Why have you been avoiding me, ya big wuss!” chided a provocatively dressed and expertly made-up Jordan. She slammed the door and breezed past me toward the couch, flinging her purse and herself onto it. She kicked off her shoes, apparently unfazed by my shock-induced paralysis, and continued her tirade.

“If you’re going to ditch out on the reception for my brother’s funeral, you should at least have the stones to let me know. And if that’s too much for you, at the _very_ least have the decency to return one of the thirty-seven voicemails I’ve left you in the past week.”

Diction aside, Jordan’s tone lacked its usual shrillness, instead diluted with the exhaustion and sadness that one would expect of a human who just lost a close relative. The “human” part was always a bit jarring to witness.

“Jordan, I—“ I stammered.

“Oh, Jordan! I-I-I—” she mocked. _Ah, there’s the Stepdaughter of Satan I married, then divorced, then impregnated, then separated from once more._ “Zip it, Perry. I’m over it. Now why are you still wearing pants? You know the rules!”

“Right, about that. I don’t think I can—“

“Pizza delivery!” The door shook from another knock and again sprung open to reveal the grinning, scrubs-clad young doctor whom I’d just spent the previous week boning into oblivion. He paraded by while I was still trying to regain control of my legs. “So they didn’t have anymore sausage but I figured it’s not like we’ve had a shortage lately,” JD giggled, setting the pizza down on the counter as I jerked my head emphatically toward the occupied sofa.

“DJ, is that you?” Jordan peered around the television. I winced.

“Jordan!” the kid yelled, voice cracking and eyes bulging from his skull. “Wha-what’re you doing here?”

“Oh, _Sweetie_ ,” she almost purred, “I think it’d be much wiser for _you_ to answer first.” Her hallmark malicious grin had returned.

“Ya see, Jordan,” I piped up after finally besting my own nervous system, “Johnny—uh—Newbie lost a bet yesterday at work and so he’s bringing me my—my victory pizza.” I gestured to the box. “See? Pizza. Victory.”

_Yeah, this is not how any of this was supposed to go._

“Uh huh, uh huh. So tell me something, Per. Why is there a DJ-shaped ass print in the cushion next to me?” Her eyes scanned between us and it was clear the mental math would soon add up.

Now it was JD who was frozen, somehow even paler than his usual shade of transparent. He also appeared to be holding his breath as his eyes darted between Jordan, myself, and the open door. I combed both hands through my hair and clasped them behind my head.

“Right, so, Newbie is a—he’s been—we’re...” I trailed off. Jordan’s eyebrows shot up and I swear I saw an actual lightbulb flick on above her ahead.

“Ohhhh-ho-ho no!” She roared with a laughter that contained only the slightest tinge of bitterness. “Oh, Doctor Cox, this is rich. This is _sublime_. You’re telling me you two have some kind of Gay-December romance thing going on?”

“Real classy, there, Jordaroo,” I growled in warning.

“Oh come _on_ , Perry, you have to at least see the irony here! All that time I thought you were mad at the kid for sleeping with me, and really you were just _jealous_? Wow, I mean, I came here for a booty call, but this is just _so_ much more satisfying.”

And with that, Jordan gathered her purse and slipped on her shoes. She strode confidently toward me, kissed me on the cheek, and in her least affected voice remarked, “Just don’t knock him up until his residency ends.” She took two steps toward the door and turned to JD, adding with a wink, “Good luck, Kid. You will need oh so much of it.” The door clicked shut and the two of us were left wide-eyed in stunned disbelief.

JD slowly lowered himself to the floor where he had been standing and looked up at me dazedly.

“What just happened?” He spoke barely louder than a whisper. I walked over and sat down beside him.

“Honest to God, Johnny-Boy, I’m not quite sure. But I _think_ she just gave us her blessing—or—at least the human-hellwitch equivalent.”

“Blurse,” he concluded.“She blursed us.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his plans are interrupted, Perry is uncomfortable at even the chance he could hurt the young man in his life and reaches inside himself to assure JD about where they stand.

We ate our pizza in relative silence, having never moved from the floor but eventually finding ourselves leaning against the front of the couch.

“One slice left. Speak now or forever hold your peace,” I offered, more intent on starting a conversation than vying for the pizza.

“Unlikely,” JD smiled weakly.

When neither of us reached for the lone slice, I glanced back at him and saw his eyes were glazed and dull. The sight made me want to hide in the nearest cupboard, partly because I hated seeing him upset for any reason, but even more so because I’m not exactly known for my bedside manner, and I’m always terrified of making things worse. Throughout our week together, I’d decided that Newbie deserved nothing short of dependability and attentiveness, and the clearer that conclusion became, the more anxious I was about being able to come through for him.

“What’s the matter there, Newbie?” I nudged, hoping my hesitance wasn’t too evident. “You don’t _actually_ have to hold your peace forever.” JD sighed through another weak smile.

“Perry, this week has been beyond incredible. For us, I mean,” he added, clearly remembering the funeral that had catalyzed everything that transpired between us.

“But?” I ventured carefully.

“But,” he affirmed, “after everything you promised me about telling everyone at work and, well, _everyone_...” his voice trailed away.

“Kid, I haven’t even been back to work yet, so I feel like as far as valid excuses go, that’s got to top the list.” Newbie pursed his lips and said nothing, but I caught his quick glimpse at the door. 

“Oh, Jordan? I mean I know she’s previously been...unpredictable.” He raised his eyebrows, but I continued. “But come on, you were here just now. I really don’t think we have to worry about her trying to get in the way. You and I are both still alive, after all, and that didn’t have to be the case as far as she’s concerned.”

“It’s not her, Per.” My heart sunk. “You couldn’t even tell her that we were together. You couldn’t say the words.” JD’s voice was trembling. 

I reflexively stood and brought my glass to the bar for a refill, then turned around to meet his eye as I pulled a few exaggerated sips. He looked away and I abandoned my empty glass, returning to sit in front of him.

“Newbie,” I sighed, “a week ago you and I weren’t even together. And since we _have_ been together we’ve literally _been together_ every waking moment until you went back to work yesterday.”

“I thought that’s what you wanted!” His voice broke and it almost flattened me, but I motioned calmly with both hands to quiet him.

“I _did_ want it. Needed it, even,” I breathed. He turned his head slightly toward me, now looking more confused than pained. “It’s just that,” I continued, “until tonight we were together in our own world, y’know? It was safe and insulated and nothing else mattered, or even existed. But God, when Jordan walked in, she brought all of reality crashing in behind her. Hell, JD, a week ago I lost my best friend and she lost her brother. I haven’t even begun to start dealing with it and adding you to the equation is just...” I exhaled heavily.

“Complicated,” the kid interjected. I clapped a hand onto his shoulder, bringing my head close to his and successfully coaxing some eye contact.

“And messy,” I agreed. “Very messy.” He looked dejected, but at least he was looking at me. “But—”

“But?” The hopeful glimmer that returned so quickly to his eyes sent a warm tingle throughout my chest.

“ _But_ ,” I continued, “I’m not running away from it, okay? Or from you. I—we—just need to figure out a way forward that makes sense for both of us. And you know me—I’m not really a scream-it-from-the-hilltops type of gal,” I winked and he grinned in the way that always makes my heart lurch. “And the fact that you’re more that type is—and I’ll never admit to this again—it’s damn adorable. So I want us to be able to be open about everything. To everyone.” He beamed for a few shining moments, before his face fell slightly.

“I’m sorry, Per. I didn’t mean to pressure you, especially not right now,” he choked while trying to hold back a tear or two, still smiling somehow. I shook my head and gave a dismissive wave, swiveling around to be at his side.

“Listen, there’s no such thing as perfect timing, so I don’t want us to use time as an excuse. There will never be enough of it when we need it and you can damn sure bet there will be too much when we’re praying for a bad shift to end.” He nodded appreciatively at what I hoped would not sound too stupid when I was trying to be earnest. After a moment’s contemplation, he spoke.

“So what are we going to do?”

I pulled my Newbie headfirst into my chest and planted a kiss above his forehead. “Tell you what, I’m damn exhausted from tonight’s episode of _Everyone in My Living Room Has Screwed Each Other._ ” His light chuckle reverberated across my stomach. “But after you get off work tomorrow, come over and we’ll come up with a plan.” The kid settled his head into my lap, where I ran a thumb over his cheek.

“Okay,” he agreed dreamily after a long moment. He then fell silent for several more minutes and I felt his breathing slow. I had no earthly desire to move, but felt as though he’d be more comfortable in an actual bed. As if reading my thoughts, he stirred semi-awake.

“Can I stay here tonight? I’m practically falling asl...”

As the kid again left the conscious world, I lowered my lips to just above his ear and spoke in a hoarse whisper.

“You never have to ask.”

I knew he likely didn’t hear any of it, but felt it was good practice for when he was awake.

With that, I gathered him into my arms and pulled us both to our feet. We quietly traversed the few feet to the bedroom and I shrugged him onto the pillow beside mine.

“I’ll be right back—just have to clean up,” I assured my completely unconscious companion.

I reentered the living room, placed my empty glass in the sink, and moved the pizza box from the floor into the fridge. Finally, I returned the bottle of scotch to its place in the bar, lifting the envelope that I had placed beside it, and carried it with me to my nightstand.

 _Tomorrow_ , I vowed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some awakenings are more rude than others.

I stirred awake to a hand grazing my hair.

“I’ve gotta get going, Per. Coffee’s set to start at seven. It’s only a quarter to five now—try to sleep more.”

I attempted a smile, eyes still closed, and grunted out what I hoped sounded like “Thanks,” before returning to sleep.

* * *

When the alluring aroma of non-hospital coffee graced my senses, I awoke again from one of my less restless sleeps and felt a slight ache upon seeing the empty space beside me.

 _How did I go from desperately avoiding him to desperately missing him in the span of seven days?_ I wondered, bemused but not actually disturbed.

I pulled on a t-shirt and made my way to the kitchen, where the coffee pot hissed out steam and a pitcher of orange juice sat next to the day’s newspaper. I smiled at first, taken aback by such a simple, yet meaningful gesture. I was sure JD barely thought a thing of it before he left in the morning; he was pretty much the most caring person I’d ever met. But the thoughtfulness made me shift uncomfortably in my chair as I counted the ways my innate selfishness could ruin us before our second week even began.

I considered how Carla would react when we told her about us. I knew out of the gate that I am pretty much the antithesis of everything she would want in a partner for Newbie. And truthfully, I couldn’t help but agree. Sure, she was one of my closest friends, but she’d protect him with every fiber of her being without a moment’s hesitation. When I’d told the kid that I would do my best to be what he deserved, I was being completely genuine. Even so, I couldn’t help but worry.

_What if my best is not enough?_

My mind turned back to my most recent attempt at reconciling with Jordan. She had been astonishingly patient with me and I put in a considerable amount of effort during and outside of therapy. That wasn’t enough to save us, even as we bonded through Jack. If all of that couldn’t keep us together, what else could I offer to the kid who looked at me like I was made of iron and made me feel like I was made of glass?

 _Brrrrrzzttttt_.

My phone skittered across the table and I snatched it right before it would have toppled over the edge.

_1 Unread Text Message_   
_Sender: Johnny-Boy_

I chuckled as I tried to trace back to when he could’ve changed his name in my phone contacts. _Jeez, Newbie even makes texting less annoying,_ I marveled, clicking open the message.

_OH GOD PERRY EVERYONE KNOWS! PLEASE CALL ME ASAP! THEY KNOW!_

My heart dropped so hard I practically heard it slam into my ribs. I leapt from my seat and pulled on the nearest sweatpants, all the while frantically pressing the speed dial.

 _“Oh god what is happening?”_ JD was almost shouting into his phone.

“Newbie, sit tight—I’m on my way, okay? Tell me what you know.” I locked my door behind me and jogged to the stairwell.

 _“I mean since I got in this morning, I thought everyone was kind of looking at me funny, but I figured I was just being paranoid, ya know? But they_ know _, Per. How the hell did this happen?”_

My feet pounded down each staircase, only outpaced by my mind, which was racing over every possible mistake we could have already made and every potentially horrible outcome. The prior days were mostly a blur, but I definitely didn’t remember even visiting the hospital, let alone sending out a mass wedding announcement. As my feet finally hit the ground floor landing, I paused and sucked some air. Then felt the gut-punch of a realization.

“Jordan,” I growled.

 _“Do you really think—”_ JD began.

“—JD, listen to me,” I pleaded. “Don’t say another word to anyone until I get there, you hear me? Pick a closet and barricade yourself in if you have to.”

_“Now that I can do.”_

“Good, now go and I’ll call you the second I park.”

 _“Okay. Perry, I’m so sorry.”_ His tone would’ve broken my heart had I not been desperately trying to stay in my own head.

“Not your fault, Newbie. See you soon.”

I hung up without waiting for a response and prayed to my nonexistent deity that the kid would be able to stay out of sight until my arrival. As I peeled out of my parking space, I hit the next number on my speed dial. The line rang twice before clicking on, but I didn’t even wait for a greeting.

“What in the _hell_ did you do?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did it happen? Why did it happen? And when do you just bite the bullet?

_“And a Delightful Morning to you too, Perrykins!”_ replied my ex-wife as though the world was not ending.

“Jordan, I have _zero_ time, understood? Tell me what you did, because if I have to find out from _anyone_ else, so help me God I will make sure your next Botox injection is laced with Ricin.”

_“Aww, Per, well as much as I love a good post-breakfast death threat, I am honestly clueless as to what you’re talking about.”_

“Swear on our son and all your future demon spawn,” I sneered.

 _“Watch it,”_ she warned. _“I swear I don’t know anything, though, okay? What’s going on over there? Are you in the car?”_

“Fuck. Fine. That’s...fine. I’m headed to the hospital. Somehow word got out about me and JD.”

 _“Jesus,”_ she exhaled with what sounded like actual concern. _“That is beyond even my brand of evil. Do you need anything?”_

“I don’t know. Probably not. Shit, I can’t think!”

_“Okay, Per. Listen, keep me posted alright?”_

“Yeah,” I mustered through a rapidly clouding mind. “Uh, thanks Jordan. And I’m sorry for accusing—“

 _“—Don’t mention it,”_ she interrupted. _“Go rescue your princess.”_

_Click._

* * *

After another two minutes of skirting traffic laws, I screeched into the Sacred Heart lot and threw the gearshift into Park, grabbing for my phone once again to inform JD of my arrival.

 _“Supply Closet Front Desk, JD speaking,”_ he answered in a nervous hush.

“Newbie, I’m here. Are—are you actually hiding in a closet?”

_“Hey, I know good advice when I hear it.”_

“Fair. The usual spot?”

 _“Yup,”_ he sighed.

“I’ll be there in two minutes.”

I hung up and raced to the ICU as quickly as I felt would not draw attention. I ignored a few separate shouts all along the lines of, “Hey Dr. Cox, thought you didn’t come back until next week!” Otherwise, I slipped into the elevator and onto our floor with relative ease. The floor didn’t look overly busy, but everyone was occupied enough to allow me to stroll over to the supply closet across from the Nurse’s Station. I knocked as discreetly as possible and pressed my mouth into the door frame.

“Newbie, it’s me. I’m coming in.”

“Oh thank _God_.” JD breathed as I slipped into the pitch black closet and shut the door behind me. He practically bowled me over, wrapping both arms around my neck and pressing his forehead into my chest. I immediately felt him relax and noticed that the tension in my own muscles eased a bit as well. I instinctively rubbed gentle circles into his back and inhaled slowly in an attempt to keep us both calm.

“Alright,” I spoke barely above a whisper with a confidence that I did not feel. “Tell me everything you know.” He nodded and took a step back.

“Okay. Like I said, it felt like everyone was staring at me all morning and I even thought I saw people pointing and whispering about me, but I tried my best to ignore it. Like, how could anyone have found out? At least that’s what I was trying to tell myself. Then a few minutes before I texted you, The Todd came over and, I swear to God, he said these exact words: ‘Bro! Way to _suck up_ to Cox!’ And then of course he tried to high-five me.”

I raised an incredulous eyebrow, though I knew full well he couldn’t see it.

“First off, impressive Todd imitation. Secondly, Newbie, that isn’t exactly an accusation of anything beyond your run-of-the-mill ass-kissing. Maybe he just meant—” JD put his hand over my mouth to stop my grasping at straws.

“Per, he then performed a _very_ suggestive pantomime that was not exactly up for interpretation. The whole floor laughed. I think even the two comatose guys woke up just long enough to join in. It was mortifying!” He took a deep breath and sighed. “Since then it’s all just been a mix of winks and glares, depending on who was giving them.” His voice was heavy with exhaustion and worry. “How could this have happened?”

It’s strange. As much as I feared something like this ruining whatever plans we would have made, in the moment that it was actually happening, every ounce of panic simply drained from my body. In fact, I felt so calm being in that tiny, black room with the man standing in front of me that I thought for a moment he might’ve spiked my orange juice with lorazepam. So it was with newly unfeigned confidence that I reached out to find his shoulder and pull him toward me. A barely visible beam of light filtered across his face.

“JD, I have absolutely no idea how it happened. But I’m realizing at this very moment that I truly and genuinely don’t care. You and I know better than most how this place has a way of turning any plan into a fool’s errand. So how about this time we don’t even waste the effort trying to fight it?”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” he nearly gasped.

“Yes, I am. As long as you’re okay with it.” I paused to allow him to think it over. He came to a conclusion pretty quickly, though. In a flash he was in my arms again, hands cradling the back of my head, and pulled me down into a kiss fueled with adrenaline and affection.

We were quickly interrupted by a knock on the door and Carla’s concerned, albeit annoyed, voice.

“Bambi? Come on, I know you’re in there! We need to get into the supply closet. It’s where the supplies are!”

Newbie froze against me.

“Okay, Kid,” I said gingerly. “Showtime.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best way to beat the rumor mill is to surprise the hell out of it.

I turned to face the closet door and grabbed firm hold of the knob. Then in a unitary motion, swung the door open and reached back to grab JD by the collar. I strode out from the dank room into the blinding fluorescence, dragging him behind me. As we came to a halt in front of a very surprised Nurse Espinosa, I emitted a concentrated, piercing whistle that washed over the floor like an icy draft. Fittingly, everyone essentially froze in place.

“Attention, idiots and idiettes!” I bellowed. Carla backed into a group of her fellow nurses. “Show of hands—how many of you have heard a rumor about myself and the young Doctor Dorian, here?” I could only imagine the shades of scarlet that Newbie’s face was cycling through as he stood silently behind me. “Come on now, folks,” I continued, “Honesty Hour— no consequences. Scout’s Honor and all that.”

Slowly, the air filled with raised hands and heads pivoted to examine suddenly fascinating areas of ceiling and floor.

“Alllriiiiight. Hands down, peons.” I took what was likely the deepest breath of my life and forced myself to continue. “Well, it’s hardly necessary to tell a bunch of gossipy pseudo-adults not to believe everything you hear.” Some eyes darted back to me, filled with embarrassment. “However,” I continued, “in this case you all might have been onto something.”

 _Can a silent room somehow get quieter?_ I wondered, as a giant vacuum removed every ounce of oxygen not contained in the O2 tanks. I cleared my throat and reached behind myself instinctively to grab my Newbie’s wrist.

“So hhhheeere’s the deal, ladies and gents, and you’d better listen now because I will _not_ repeat myself. Yes, I am in a relationship with the man behind me. No, it is literally none of your business, and if you even so much as _congratulate_ me it will be the last word you ever say using your own vocal cords. And finally, if any one of you harasses Doctor Dorian about this ever again—and whispering, pointing, and laughing all count as harassment in my book—your new and final job at this hospital will be as a practice dummy for the interns who are still struggling with IVs and chest tubes. Do I make myself completely, one hundred percent clear?”

As I scanned through my captive audience, a few things caught my attention. Gandhi, who had apparently been giving a surgical consult on the wing, was standing so still that I thought the janitor might’ve replaced him with a cardboard cutout. Carla was leaning backward against her desk as her face flickered through a series of inscrutable expressions. And my Newbie, whom I hadn’t even seen in the light of day for over twelve hours, well—

“Say there, Kid,” I spoke quietly over my shoulder as I glanced over him head to toe.

“Yeah?” he squeaked out, still in as much shock as his shiny-headed surgeon buddy.

“Remember how you got cold in the middle of last night so I gave you my shirt to throw on?” I asked conversationally.

“Uh, yeah, I do. Why?” he whispered.

“Yeah, you’re not wearing your scrubs shirt right now. You’re wearing my Red Wings jersey.”

“Oh...OH!” JD examined himself in disbelief, tugging at the bottom of my hockey jersey to reveal yesterday’s scrubs underneath. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry, I was so tired after last night and must’ve totally blanked this morning—”

I shook my head and struggled to fight off a huge grin.

“I will never _ever_ let you live this down.”

I held out an open hand and Newbie yanked off the jersey, folded it with excessive care, and pressed it into my palm. I curled my fingers around the shirt and caught his hand before he could withdraw it. “JD, look at me,” I growled.

“Yeah?” He smiled cautiously. I squeezed his fingers for a fleeting moment, allowed my own smile to escape, and cocked a suggestive eyebrow.

“ _Ever._ ”

His whole body relaxed as he returned a grin in earnest.

“Right,” I looked out over the crowd, clapping my hands together with audible force, “everyone get back to work.” A few feet shuffled nervously among equally anxious whispers. “NOW!” I boomed. The hordes scurried away like disoriented ants and I beamed with excessive pride that my ability to command a room had never been keener. Finally, I turned to face JD head-on.

“Newbie? Why the lingering?” I winked. “Last I checked, you worked here too.”

“I, uh, wanted to say goodbye,” he muttered, “but we haven’t decided how we wanted to do any of this.”

“True enough.” I considered for a moment. “Tell ya what, you take the lead and we’ll just feel it out as we go.” He nodded with relief.

“Sounds perfect.”

I turned to find Carla, whose severe stare was burning holes into my forehead. She gestured toward her desk and I nodded obediently.

“Okay, Kid. I’ll come back to say goodbye. You know, assuming our nurse friend doesn’t castrate me on the spot.”

“I have every reason to believe she will,” he giggled. I backhanded him playfully in the ribs as he added, “But I hope she doesn’t!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honesty Hour continues in the Sacred Heart ICU.

I sidled up to Carla and put on my most charming smile.

“And how are _you_ today?” I smothered the question in cloying sweetness and received a truly impressive eye roll.

“ _Oh_ no, don’t you even pretend like this is okay,” she warned. Then leaned in and continued in a scolding whisper, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to quit drinking again or have you _actually_ lost it this time?”

“Now ya see that’s just rude!” I deflected. She was definitely unamused.

“Do you realize he’s worshipped the ground you walk on since day one? Do you know what having that kind of power over someone can do to them? To _him_?” She nodded toward Newbie, who was trying to busy himself with a patient.

I brushed a finger over my nose and placed both hands on the counter between us.

“The short answer, if you must know, is _yes_ ,” I said evenly.

“Oh really? Okay, so level with me here. What do you think is going to happen?”

I smiled wistfully. My mind was swimming. Feelings of gratitude for the amount of support JD had from his friends crashed against the deathly anxiety and self-doubt that the present conversation was exacerbating. I knew Carla was right about a lot. The power dynamic was severely skewed and I was certainly nobody’s pick as Partner of the Year. But what she could never have realized was the power Newbie had over me. Not in a way that leveled the playing field to any significant degree, but something about it had the confounding effect of making me want to at least try to be good to him. This kid had not only succeeded in making me want to care for him. He made me want to _be_ more like him. And while I knew that in most respects I would always be Percival Ulysses Cox, narcissistic egomaniac asshole extraordinaire, I had vowed to sequester the hardened persona to the hospital, away from what I’d hoped would be a more accessible, human version of myself.

Although I considered telling all of this to my longtime friend, I instead opted for short and sweet.

“Honestly, Carla, I don’t know what’s going to happen. And neither do you, despite what you may think. But what I can tell you is I’m not crazy and I’m not messing around. One day we’ll sit down and I’ll tell you about the week we just had. But for now, suffice it to say that I care about your precious Bambi. A lot. And I’m going to try damned hard to keep him around.”

_Brevity be damned, I guess._

Carla sighed, decidedly undecided.

“Well. This is all kind of...a lot, to say the least. So just know I’m watching you, and do yourself a favor—” Her expression turned icy and she lowered her voice to a harsh murmur. “ _Do not play with his feelings or so help me God you will wake up in a coffin made of your own skeleton._ ” 

I felt my eyebrows blast off into the atmosphere and stood stiffly, unable to speak. A warm smile snapped back onto her face and she waggled her head happily.

“Oh I can’t wait for us all to have dinner together!” She clapped her hands together and walked away toward a patient’s room, leaving me briefly dumbfounded. I shook my head vigorously and spun around to locate JD and deliver my promised farewell. He was standing with Gandhi a few feet outside of a patient’s room; they both were gesticulating wildly, but eventually calmed down, exchanged a brief hug, and separated. I couldn’t help but notice the glare that Turk threw my way before he walked off.

I waited until Newbie was nearly in front of me and fell into step beside him, squeezing his shoulder affectionately. He grinned in relief.

“What’s with the Missus?” I teased.

“Oh, you know. Turk’s just looking out for me. Asked if I was in some kind of personal trouble. And then we came up with a code word in case you lock me in a basement somewhere.”

I scoffed playfully.

“A code word? Well, what is it?” JD looked up at me and clutched his heart.

“If I tell you, it will ruin the whole thing!” he cried in feigned anguish. I waved my hands in surrender.

“Alright, I get it. A secret’s a secret.”

“That’s right! Oh, by the way, he said he’s going to be keeping a close eye on you,” JD rolled his eyes.

“Well that makes two of them, then,” I pondered aloud, jerking my head toward Carla’s desk. JD slapped his forehead.

“Right! How did it go? How many testicles are you left with?”

“Same number I started with,” I boasted.

“Wow, I’m impressed! What’d she say?”

“That I’m crazy and an idiot, she’s afraid you’ll get hurt, coffin of my own skeleton. The usual.” JD nodded appreciatively and exchanged clipboards with a passing nurse.

“Can’t wait to hear more about that, but I have a full patient load and lost most of the morning to this new soap opera that we apparently star in.”

“Say no more, Newbie. Just let me know tonight when you’re on your way.”

“But what will we talk about now that everyone knows?” He groaned dramatically.

“I’m sure we can find _something_ before the magic’s gone,” I winked. “Or maybe your long lost half brother will return with the amulet that my great-grandfather buried.”

JD giggled appreciatively at my absurd attempt at humor. He then swiveled his head back and forth to assess his surroundings before encircling my waist with one arm.

“See you later, Per. Don’t miss me too much.” I chuckled and tousled his hair, planting a brief kiss on his forehead. We broke apart and I started toward the door, then paused to call back over my shoulder.

“Too late for that, I’m afraid.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If what you’ve been doing your whole life hasn’t been working, it might be time to try something new.

The remainder of my day passed uneventfully, save for a single text from Carla that read:

_By the way, congrats. I’m happy for both of you. But I’ll still kill you if you screw up. Thinking about air embolisms in particular._

I gave the apartment a proper straightening-up, did some laundry, and even went out to pick up a few groceries, making sure to text JD not to bring take-out. I’m not exactly a gourmet, but was quite proud of the nicely marinated steak and asparagus dinner that I prepared using actual forethought and effort. Finally, he texted me that he was en route—miraculously on-time—so I removed the envelope from my nightstand and replaced it on the bar table, poured myself a glass of scotch that was considerably smaller than those in recent memory, and reclined on my empty couch. All of the previous night’s nerves had vanished and warm waves of excitement and anticipation had taken their place.

Some endless minutes later, the kid’s familiar knock stirred me from a maze of thoughts and I jumped to greet him with greater eagerness than I would usually admit to feeling.

“It’s open!” I called out, grabbing a beer from the fridge, and undid the screw-top as I made my way toward the door.

Newbie practically stumbled into the apartment, exhaustion burdening his posture.

“Good evening,” I crooned in my best maître d' voice. “May I take your...helmet?”

JD looked up at me with a bemused smile and took an extra moment to admire the maroon button-up shirt and dark wash jeans that I’d picked out for the occasion. He handed me his helmet and I slipped his backpack over his arms, lowering both items onto the floor beside us.

“Wow, what’s all this?” His eyes sparkled and some of the exhaustion seemed to lift. I felt my heart hiccup at the sight.

“Nothing really,” I attempted casually, “just figured we both needed a nice evening in after the past 24 hours. Beer?” I offered the bottle from my hand.

“Perfect,” he affirmed. “Really, Per, this is perfect.” I didn’t bother fighting back a smile.

“Glad ya think so, Newbie. Have a seat, I imagine you must be starving.”

* * *

We sat across from one another and I listened amusedly as the kid regaled me with tales of the latest Sacred Heart happenings and mishaps. We laughed freely through the story of a new orderly who slapped The Todd clean across the face for complimenting his package, then debated whether that was revenge enough for what he’d said to JD. Eventually, the laughter subsided and our conversation dissolved into a natural, easy silence. I almost didn’t want to break it, but had a feeling it would be worth it.

“Hey,” I nodded toward the bar cabinet, “I want to show you something.” I stood and JD was quickly at my heels as we walked to the glass unit. “See what I did here?” I pointed to one of the shelves. He followed my hand to the shelf replete with vodka, apple liqueur, and two martini glasses.

“An appletini shelf!” he exclaimed with unbridled joy. I blushed despite my best efforts not to.

“The apple cider, lemon juice, and everything else are in the fridge,” I explained. His smile was so wide I momentarily wondered if it would freeze like that. “And the second glass is for the one—count it— _one_ time that I try one with you.”

“This is...this is so great, Per. Thank you,” he choked through a welling of tears that threatened to escape.

I turned to face him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and pulled him into me as close as physics would allow. I pressed my lips to his forehead, allowing myself to linger there until he angled his head toward mine and left a deep, lingering kiss on my slightly open mouth. It practically left me shivering, but I willed myself apart from him and over to the bar counter.

“There’s one more thing.”

“Uh oh, do I need to text Turk our code word?” he joked, attempting to conceal his confusion. I shook my head wordlessly, holding up the white envelope with one hand and beckoning him over with the other.

My Newbie closed the distance between us and curiously took the envelope from my outstretched hand.

“I was actually going to give this to you last night,” I explained. “But, you know Jordan and her incredible ability to appear when she is least welcome.” He nodded, reached inside and withdrew a folded piece of paper on which I had penned a short message.

_JD,_

_You left for your first day back less than an hour ago and I’m already at a loss for what I used to do here by myself. I can’t even focus on a basketball game. What did you do to me, Newbie?_

_Anyhow, I want to do this now because I can’t find a conceivable reason not to, I guess. But if you feel like it’s too fast or too soon, I will completely understand. Just know that this is a door that’s always open, so to speak._

_Thanks for making me less miserable, Johnny-Boy._

_-Perry_

JD’s eyes again turned glassy as he reached the end of the note and peeled back the clear tape that adhered to it my spare apartment key.

“For here?” he choked.

“For here,” I confirmed. “I never want to hear you knock on this door again.”

He nodded vigorously, clearly beside himself.

“I mean, I’m not asking you to move in with me or anything. But I do want this to feel like a place you come home to, not somewhere you just visit, okay?”

He nodded again, a teary smile beginning to form.

“Per-Bear,” he croaked as I tried to stifle a wince at the epithet, “this means so much to me. Turk and Carla have been so inseparable lately that my place is feeling less and less like home. You...you feel like home. I hope that’s okay to say.”

The ease and warmth I felt with those words were indescribable. I squeezed him tighter into my arms than I figured was safe for a human rib cage, and without contemplation, I made the sudden choice to renege on my previous statement.

“Then just stay,” I rasped, struggling to keep my own emotions in check. “If this feels like home to you, just stay.” JD didn’t hesitate even a moment.

“Okay,” he replied tearily. “As long as you don’t feel like it’s too fast or that you’ll regret it in the morning.” I shook my head and squeezed his waist.

“The only thing I regret is hearing the name “Per-Bear” come out of your pretty little mouth. I love ya Kid, but please, _please_ don’t let that one leave the apartment,” I begged lightly. He smirked with glistening eyes.

“You just said you love me.”

Replaying my own words in my head, I realized he was right. I also realized that I didn’t care. About moving too fast or stupid nicknames or inevitable work reassignments. It was all secondary to the insane, beautiful upheaval of the previous week.

“Huh,” I answered with exaggerated nonchalance. “So I did.”

JD beamed with a supernatural brightness and his cheeks burned a deep red as he delivered his response.

“Well, I love you too. So there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I vacillated a lot on how to do this chapter. On one hand, the all-in approach felt too hasty. On the other hand, I think that’s why it works for these two idiots. After all, my husband and I got married after less than 2 weeks together and for us, it was the right thing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The climax, one might say, occurs here.

Before I could reply or even smile, JD captured my chin in both hands and pulled me downward into one of his signature heart-stopping kisses. We never broke contact as I pulled him by the waist toward what had just become our bedroom. I spun him around and gently shoved him backward onto the edge of the bed, grasping at the back of his shirt collar to tug it over his head and arms. He pulled himself backward onto his elbows as I similarly liberated my own shirt in a swift, smooth motion.

“That never gets old,” he breathed. I grinned pridefully and shrugged, turning to dim the lights. By the time I turned back, his pants were in a small heap at his feet.

I returned to stand at the foot of the bed, where he pulled me toward him and began trailing a series of alluring kisses from my hip to just below my navel. I shuddered, gently grasping the back of his head with one hand and brushing the other through my own hair, and closed my eyes as he undid my jeans. He tucked both thumbs into the denim waistband and slid them from my hips, their gentle friction eliciting from me a quiet exhale as they brushed across my groin. I grasped my Newbie above his waist and guided him onto his back, holding myself suspended above him, knees between his parted legs and our lips a hair’s width apart. We shivered together from the same heat.

Pausing for a moment to admire his serene, azure eyes, I marveled at the state of us as I’d done so many times in the previous days. The burgeoning happiness at the base of my stomach terrified me, but its warmth was nearly as intoxicating as the shallow, pleading breaths of the man beneath me. I felt the ends of my lips curl upward into a hungrier, primal grin and landed a bruising kiss on JD’s willing mouth. He returned in earnest the same fiery hunger and grasped desperately at the flesh on my chest and abdomen.

We broke intermittently for urgent gasps until I thought at least one of us might asphyxiate. I used the brief separation as an opportunity to explore all of my favorite regions. I traced my tongue along his jaw and up to his ear, nipping at the skin just beneath it. Then continued back down his jawline and onto the flesh of his neck and throat. His small, erratic spasms and slight squirming tugged at my basest instincts and I covered the region in deeper, passion-laden teeth marks and the beginnings of tomorrow’s bruises. Every moan and whimper I pulled from him was more maddeningly arousing than the previous, and before long we found our hips arching and grinding together seemingly of their own accord.

Without warning, my Newbie wrapped his arms around my waist and flipped me onto my back with surprising strength and agility.

“Well, this is new,” I managed, unable to conceal my surprise. He just nodded and flashed a mischievous half-grin.

I was definitely unaccustomed to relinquishing control, especially during an activity that I’d previously considered an endless power struggle, but I cautiously lowered my defenses in a mix of curiosity and arousal. Folding my hands behind my head, I looked up at my eager companion.

“Okay, now what?”

The answer came in the form of the fierce tugging at the waistband of my briefs. I responsively raised my hips and he grabbed them from the rear, his fingers combing over my ass with a pressure that caught my entire respiratory system off guard. JD then removed his own underwear and moved to straddle my hips. He reached down to wrap a hand around the base of my almost uncomfortably erect penis and stroked, his thumb tracing over the head at the peak of each upward motion. I almost blacked out at the sudden, focused attention.

He noticed my clouded gaze and grinned with admittedly well-deserved satisfaction. With his free hand, he removed my right hand from beneath my head and guided it between, then past his thighs, to the outer skin around his entrance. The warmth caused me to shudder as I massaged a finger into the sensitive flesh. I felt his body lurch as he momentarily lost a bit of control, but he recovered quickly. I, on the other hand, had never felt less powerful and was surprised at the pure electricity it was sparking in my chest and stomach. I hardly realized my own movements as I reached with my free hand to wrap around Newbie’s previously unattended member.

As we both writhed with growing intensity, I reached toward the bottle on my nightstand and dispensed a sizable amount of lube across my fingers, before returning both hands to their previous positions. The cool gel made JD jump slightly when my finger returned to massage his opening, but he exhaled deeply and I felt his muscles relax. I used the opportunity to gently push my finger past his entrance. His approving gasp and tight warmth dragged the breath from my lungs. My Newbie rolled his hips over my hand as we both continued our attention on each other’s spasming cocks. Within a few minutes I had inserted a second and third finger, achieving a new array of pleading noises that escaped from deep within his chest.

When our collective anticipation finally peaked, he reached back to push my hand away. I dug out a condom from my bedside drawer, which he then immediately snatched from my fingers and tore open using his teeth. I marveled at how in the numerous times we had already been together, I had never seen such a ferocious desire in him. He unrolled the condom onto me with so much force I thought it might tear. Then he positioned himself over me, bracing his hands on my chest. I tightly grasped his wrists and marveled at the dark-eyed gaze that glued me to the spot.

At first, he eased down onto me with a delicate precision and I felt myself enter him with hypnotizing slowness. But he quickened his pace almost immediately until my insides were searing with a dizzying mix of pleasure and unquenched desire. My hips began rolling to meet his own and each movement buried me farther into him. Eventually my hands wrapped around his hips and the added force had us both gasping within seconds.

“You’re...fucking...everything,” I wheezed out the first words we’d spoken in many minutes. He gazed down at me, lips parted and panting, clearly trying to respond.

“All...yours,” he finally gasped.

Somehow those words found the single untouched nerve inside me and shot ten thousand volts through it. I tightened my grasp on Newbie’s hips and drove our pace upward until all sense of rhythm, time, and everything that wasn’t us had vanished. Our skin singed nerves wherever it touched. Moments later I felt him tense all around me, his face glazed over in total euphoria. I grabbed at the back of his head and lower back to pull him fully against me. Our tongues entangled in a final searing kiss before my throat and chest rattled with his guttural moans, and I felt the familiar, sticky warmth pool over my stomach.

JD growled an elongated “Fuuuck” into my mouth as his muscles seized and released in a series of aftershocks. My senses overloaded and a burning white light swallowed my vision. I clutched tightly at the firm flesh of his rear and let myself go, buried deeply inside him. The blinding white shifted through the entire visible spectrum as my eyes involuntarily squeezed shut. Then all went black and silent.

After a completely indiscernible length of time, the distant, distorted echoes of my Newbie breathing heavily above me regained their normal clarity. Enjoying his weight pressed against me, I blinked my eyes into focus to admire his features. My hands rested loosely on his lower back and I bathed in the warmth emanating into my palms and fingertips.

“Did I mention that I fucking love you?” I finally managed, finding myself still panting.

“I don’t know,” he replied dazedly. “I don’t remember anything that didn’t just happen in this bed. Is it possible to orgasm yourself into complete amnesia?”

“Just say you fucking love me too, Newbie.”

“Of course I do,” he crooned as he raised a hand to my cheek. “Percival Ulysses Cox. I fucking love you too.”

I smiled and gently rolled the exhausted man onto the adjacent pillow before finally pulling out of him and hooking the condom into the wastebasket.

“Well, not that I had any doubt,” I bantered, pulling the bedsheets over us.

JD smiled, sleep beginning to tug at his features, and shivered slightly beneath the covers.

“You still cold?” I murmured.

“Mm, just a bit,” he said through a yawn.

I lifted my head to scan the immediate area and my eyes fell upon the Red Wings jersey draped over my desk chair. I smiled to myself and moved to retrieve it.

“I’ve got just the thing.”


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff or foreshadowing? I haven’t decided yet.

“So what are we gonna say to Kelso?” JD asked as we cleared the breakfast dishes from the table.

“Newbie, if he hasn’t already found out, I will chug six appletinis, march back into that bedroom, bury my face in a pillow, and bottom for you.” He laughed heartily and slapped my butt.

“You wish, Per-Bear.”

“‘Wish’ may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I definitely never say never,” I winked. “At any rate, we‘ll figure it out before I go back to work next week.”

“The Kelso thing or the bottoming thing?” he poked at my hip.

“Hmmm. Both, I suppose. Fair?”

“Fair,” he nodded approvingly, hands on his hips.

“Good. Now that that’s settled, I’m in need of a little pick-you-up.”

“Don’t you mean ‘pick- _me_ -up’?” he corrected.

“Well, Johnny-Boy, if you insist.”

Before he could blink, I wrapped an arm around JD’s stomach and threw him over my shoulder like a doughy sack of potatoes. As we lumbered toward the bedroom, he let loose a yelping laugh, rife with surprise and excitement.

It instantly became my new favorite sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading my second ever fic and for all the amazing feedback from the first one that encouraged me to write it! I hope it isn’t too much of a sophomore slump.


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